December 20, 2012

In Defense of the [35!] Bowl Games

[rant]

Tonight, we will be treated to the San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia Bowl, pitting the 7-5 Brigham Young University Cougars (best win: 6-3 over Utah State) against the homestanding 9-3 San Diego State University Aztecs (best win: 21-19 over a not-as-good-as-they-usually-are Boise State team).

The Poinsettia Bowl is one of 35 bowl games being played this holiday season, joining such instant classics as the BBVA Compass Bowl, featuring 6-6 Ole Miss and 6-6 Pitt, the Little Caesar's ("pizza, pizza") Bowl, spotlighting 7-5 Western Kentucky vs. 6-6 Central Michigan, and something called the Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl, starring 7-5 Arizona State vs. 7-5 Navy.



So now you're joining legions of babbling heads in asking, what's the point?

Here's the point, jackass:

MORE FOOTBALL.

It's actually pretty simple, right?

All summer long, we college football addicts sit around trying - and failing - to convince ourselves that we actually enjoy the marathon snoozefest that is the MLB regular season, all while secretly craving for football of any sort, type or varietal.  And now we're supposed to just reject that football, just because it's at the end of the [agonizingly short] regular season, and because the bowl names are stupid, and because the blah-blah media folks tell us that these bowl games are asinine?

I say screw that.  Bowl games are awesome.  I'd be okay if there were more.  Hell, I'd like it if there were more.  Open it up to teams that went 5-7, I don't care.  I want more teams playing in crazily-named games in nutty locations in oddball stadiums.  I want more college football.  I'll always want more college football.  To not want more college football is what's asinine.

I'd trade a pound of flesh to see UVA scratch out those shoulda-been-wins over Wake and Maryland to go 6-6 and have the chance to play 6-6 Jamaican Institute of Zebra Zoology in the  ShamWow Community Cockle Bowl this weekend.  Hell yeah I would.  You wouldn't?



So I say shine on you crazy diamonds.  You Beef 'O' Brady's Bowl, shine on.  You GoDaddy.com Bowl, shine the heck on.  Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl, Famous Idaho Potato Bowl, AdvoCare V100 Independence Bowl, SHINE ON!

I guess I'm just not sophisticated enough to understand why MORE FOOTBALL is a bad thing.  I sure do wish Virginia were still playing, and I bet I'm not alone.

[/rant]



4 comments:

  1. I'm partial to the Slap Chop Remix Bowl.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWRyj5cHIQA

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  2. this is total bullshit. college football needs to have about half as many bowl games. you are a hack.

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    1. HEY, WE GOT OURSELVES A BADASS OVER HERE. GUYS. CHECK OUT HOW BADASS "ANONYMOUS" IS. WOW. SO BRAVE. VERY ARTICULATE EXPRESSION WITH GREAT DETAIL ABOUT THE TOPIC. BRILLIANT.

      My "fuck you" to whoever that guy is aside, I hate the bowl game system. None of it means anything to me at all and it seems like a confusing mess of "let's make everybody feel special by letting them play in the 'postseason.'" It's like the NBA playoffs: I just can't make myself give a shit because it's so overly permissive.

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  3. If you take away the "Bowl" part of the names and recognize that sponsors are spooging their names all over college football all season anyway, you're left with the one naked truth that this post advocates: MORE FOOTBALL (i.e., something to pay attention to instead of your in-laws during the doldrums between holidays). Plus, they play one game at a time, so if you live far from your school, you stand a decent chance of getting to see them televised when they make it to a bowl. Bravo on the whole post.

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