My Top 10 Most Painful Losses to the Hokies

I'm still struggling to find my catharsis after yesterday's woodshedding by the Hokies.  Those hilljacks have now beaten us eight straight times, and 12 of the last 13.  Good Lord and God bless.

The post title says it all, let's dig right in to this painstravaganza!  (Relive all of the horror HERE.)

Fine Print Disclaimer: DO NOT read this if you are easily offended.  My blog, my rules, and I'm taking this one to some dark places.  Read at your own risk.


#10 -- 2006: Hokies 17, Hoos 0
This was the first of Al Groh's losing seasons, but we had a chance to scratch out a .500 record and a potential bowl appearance with a win in this game.  The Jameel Sewell-led offense managed 112 total yards and five first downs in the game, in what was possibly the worst offensive showing I've ever seen (even worse than the 7-5 loss at UNC in 2005).  The game felt like the bowel movement you have 10 days after OD'ing on Imodium.  Call it a punch bowl.

#9 -- 2008: Hokies 17, Hoos 14
Al Groh finally pulled his head out of his ass and started Vic Hall at quarterback... on the road in the most hostile environment of the season.  Vic played a whale of a game, but mysteriously (and stupidly) got the hook on the last series with the game on the line.  Marc Verica threw it late across the middle, and the inevitable interception ended the game.  Knife twisting in belly, entrails sliding out onto the floor... of the Madison Heights Sheetz men's room.

#8 -- 1999: Hokies 31, Hoos 7
My 4th year.  The last home game against the turkeybirds during my college years.  Weirdly, the game was played on October 2nd.  Of course, this Vick-led VT team was loaded.  Thomas Jones had a decent game, but Dan Ellis was sacked six times by the overwhelming Tech defense.  The Hokies went on to play in the national championship game that year.  Virginia Tech in the national championship game -- three-and-a-half hours of nails on a chalkboard.  Thank God for Florida State.

#7 -- 2002: Hokies 21, Hoos 9
This was the breakthrough razzle-dazzle year for the Bill Musgrave offense in Al Groh's 2nd season.  The offense's success was predicated on the precision passing of Matt Schaub.  Of course, this game in Lane Stadium was windy as hell (20-25 mph with gusts to 40).  Our passing game was doomed, and stupid-ass Beamerball (herp-a-derp-derp) was in effect, notching a blocked punt for the Hokies' first points of the game.  This game played at home or in decent weather, we win.  Instead, we had to play in that hellhole Bleccchsburg, with sawblades of ice blowing down from Sheepfuck Mountain.

#6 -- 2005: Hokies 52, Hoos 14
On a clear night, if you squint your eyes and look really hard, you can still see the mushroom cloud hanging over Scott Stadium.  A 38-point loss, and it easily could have been a 70-point loss.  At the end of this game, I honestly wondered if we'd ever be able to beat them again.  I'm still wondering.

#5 -- 2007: Hokies 33, Hoos 21
Chris Long was held badly (no call, of course) on the touchdown pass to Eddie Royal that ended the first half, and Jameel Sewell sprained his labia majora and had to leave the game early.  This game was for 10 wins, the ACC Coastal, and a trip to the conference championship game.  Of course we crapped the bed.  The game was like picking up a hot chick in a bar -- she looks good, batting her eyes, giving you great signals, lots of hot talk, but then you take her to your hotel room and find out she's a dude in drag.  A dude in drag with a butterfly knife and every intention of robbing you, stealing your identity, and then stabbing you.  Up the butt.

#4 -- 1995: Hokies 36, Hoos 29
This was my 1st year in college.  Loss via Hail Mary in Ann Arbor.  Loss via 55 yard field goal into the wind in Austin.  33-28 win over FSU.  Great season.  And then this.  It was like falling down a flight of stairs.  That's it, just falling down some stairs.  Okay, maybe it was falling down the stairs at the prom, and maybe during the fall you split your tuxedo pants.  I don't know.  Fell into the punch bowl?  Concussion?  I got nothin.

#3 -- 2011: Hokies 38, Hoos 0
I know what you're thinking -- oh, he's overrating this and overreacting because the wound is so fresh.  Maybe you're right.  Or maybe we just had our asses handed to us on our home field in such a way that it felt like all eight of our previous wins were rendered meaningless.  Maybe we experienced such a Hokie invasion that it seemed like they had a freaking majority of the fans in our stands.  Maybe it's that - for the first time since '96 - I had my mind right, was gracious and [generally] polite, glad-handing and wishing well, smiling and back-slapping, welcoming our "Virginia brothers" to the game, only to have my head ripped back and a firehose spray of shit blasted straight down my throat.  Like a beer bong of hot liquid feces.

#2 -- 2004: Hokies 24, Hoos 10
2004 was supposed to be our year.  We were loaded.  Listen to this list of future NFL players on the roster for this game: Marques Hagans, Alvin Pearman, Wali Lundy, Jason Snelling, Heath Miller, Tom Santi, Elton Brown, Brad Butler, D'Brickashaw Ferguson, Chris Long (was a freshman, not really playing), Chris Canty (injured and out for the Tech game), Ahmad Brooks, Kai Parham, Isaiah Ekejiuba, Darryl Blackstock, Marcus Hamilton.  We had all of the momentum early, but kept fumbling away scoring chances.  Then Tech took control in the second half and slowly pulled away.  We never really put up much of a fight.  In all honesty, it was the kind of game that makes you hate Virginia Football.

#1 -- 1996: Hokies 26, Hoos 9
Not because of the game, but because of what happened after the game.  Those guys are still out there somewhere, and I bet they were having a jolly good time this past Saturday.


The saddest part about this is that after about 23 years of following Virginia Football closely, it wasn't hard to do this top ten list, and I could easily rattle off five other games for honorable mention.

I believe in Mike London, but he has to - at some point, sooner than later - beat Virginia Tech.  He has to.

Until then, we fight the good fight.  Go Hoos.