March 15, 2013


Welp, that fucking sucked.  Happy fucking birthday to me.

Tony Bennett's Offseason To-Do List:

1) Make Joe Harris shoot free throws.  No reason he should be missing so many.  90% or bust.

2) Develop at least one vocal on-court leader.

3) Fall out of love with Paul Jesperson.

4) Find a way to build an out-of-conference schedule that is tougher than the OOC schedule version of a wet queef.  (A "queef" is a vaginal fart, in case you didn't know.)

5) Petition UVA management to allow Jontel Evans into grad school so he can walk on to the football team and play the sport he should have been playing all along.  I don't know how the eligibility issues get resolved or whatever, but MAKE THIS HAPPEN.

6) Do whatever it takes to get the 2013-14 team (which will be absolutely loaded) ready to win in March.  Only March matters.

7) Do whatever it takes to get the 2013-14 team (which will be absolutely loaded) ready to win in the ACC Tournament.  I'm tired of this shit.

8) 2014 Sweet Sixteen or BUST.  (I'm not sure what "BUST" means, but I'm still saying it.)

Okay, I feel a little better.  Got some f-bombs out, potshots at Jontel and Jespy, used the word queef.  Yep, I feel better.

So now we hang on to our flickering NCAA Tournament dreams by pulling for nothing but chalk in all of the conference tournaments.  If you can bear to watch more basketball today (not sure if I can or not), we specifically need:

  • UTEP over Southern Miss
  • Duke over Maryland
  • Kansas over Iowa State
  • Vanderbilt over Kentucky
  • Michigan State over Iowa
  • New Mexico over San Diego State
  • Mizzou over Ole Miss
  • Anything else that is chalk in the conference tourneys

If I don't go seppuku on myself tonight, I'll give you a Bubble Update in the morning.  For now, I'm pacing around with the katana in my hand, trying to clear my thoughts while seriously considering hara-kiri.

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