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July 23, 2010

2010 Football Schedule, Part IV -- Lightning Haikooze Round

I end up doing this a lot --- I get started on a grandiose plan, only to have other ideas in the middle of the process which distract me and lead me to sort of putter out on the original task.  Then I get one big, frantic second wind, and I rally to rush through the process and scrape something together just so I can say "FINISHED!"  And so goes the Wahooze look at the 2010 football schedule.  I will now close the loop in lightning round fashion.  I hope you enjoy it.  Or not.  I'm just eager to move along to the next great idea.

To spice things up, I'll do all of the analysis/commentary in haiku form.


@ Georgia Tech -- Oct. 9

This is a totally legal block.


Georgia Tech is good
ACC champs last season
Now Al Groh is there

Hope we score fifty
And embrarrass ol' Al Groh
Prove his D a fraud

Sour grapes aside
Georgia Tech is really good
They will beat us down


Prediction: 34-14, Jackets. (Percentage chance of a Virginia win: 20%)




 
North Carolina -- Oct. 16
 

Marvin Austin got busted at that boats n' ho's party in Miami, and is lost for the season.


CAROLINA SUCKS!
That's a fact -- you know it's true
Screw the Tarhole blue

We own them in Scott
Since 1981, wooooooo!
Could this be their year?

We'll be home 'dogs, true
And their D is real nasty
Butch sucks, we will win


Prediction: 19-16, Hoos. (Percentage chance of a Virginia win: 40%)



Eastern Michigan -- Oct. 23

Cool uniforms.  Too bad EMU is our sacrificial lamb.


Might be a pipe dream...
.500 through the first half
Time for a cupcake

Winless in the MAC
The Eagles are horrendous
Easy win for us

This is a blowout
Mass 3rd quarter exodus
I don't fear a jinx


Prediction: 41-10, Hoos. (Percentage chance of a Virginia win: 95%)



Miami -- Oct. 30

Is the U really back?


"The U! The U!" Boo.
Miami is good again.
Athletic and fast.

Jacory Harris:
The ACC's best QB
He will carve us up

Last year's sad blowout
Won't look much better this year
The U is baaaaaa-aaaaaaaaack


Prediction: 35-17, Canes. (Percentage chance of a Virginia win: 20%)



@ Duke -- Nov. 6

Dook cheerleaders: still busted.


Revenge is a bitch
And we owe these pricks two times
Must... humiliate...

Thad Lewis is gone
The Dook defense was gutted
They won't be as good

A win in Durham
Would make me quite ecstatic
This needs to happen


Prediction: 28-14, Hoos. (Percentage chance of a Virginia win: 55%)



Maryland -- Nov. 13

Gut?  Or a gas tank on a sex machine?

Fridge -- almost fired
The Terps didn't have the cash
YAY. One more season

Crappy lame duck coach
Hoos know well how that one feels
Punt the whole season

A new quarterback
Few good proven playmakers
Hopelessness abound...


Prediction: 27-17, Hoos. (Percentage chance of a Virginia win: 65%)



@ Boston College -- Nov. 20

BC's Montel Harris is a bonafide stud.


BC -- always tough
Always better than you think
Difficult to beat

Shinskie and Harris
Form a dynamic duo
For the Eagle O

Herzlich and Kuechly
The ACC's best 'backers
Make their D scary


Prediction: 24-10, BC. (Percentage chance of a Virginia win: 35%)



@ Virginia Tech -- Nov. 27

Tech needs Tirerod to stay healthy to make another BCS run.


I'd say it's three years...
That's how long our fans will wait
For a win 'gainst Tech

London's clock has ticked
Since the day he was hired
The Hoos MUST beat Tech!

This is not the year
The Hokies are loaded now
Their best team ever?

A rebuilding D
Might hold them back just a bit
They'll lose to Boise

But by November
They will be rolling along
Tech will destroy us


Prediction: 35-14, VT. (Percentage chance of a Virginia win: 15%)


So there you have it.  Maybe I mailed it in a little bit, but wow, writing this many [crappy] haikus is tough!  I guess my pick for the season is 6-6.  If it plays out this way, our two wins over FCS teams will leave us ineligible for a bowl game.  But getting to .500 this season would represent a great feat by Coach London, and would give us all the continued traction we need on the recruiting trail.  And that's what this season really boils down to -- proving that Virginia is once again a team on the rise.

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