I really think what we're seeing right now is a regression to the norm. Our talent level is not particularly high. We don't have a Batman, we only have Robins. Hell, we don't even have Robins, we have something more obscure, an island of misfit toys type of ensemble. What we have is...
...excuse me for wanting to steer this thing toward a bit of levity...
...with the reminder that if you want doom and gloom, you can get it literally anywhere else...
...sticking with the Batman/Robin/superhero theme, what we have is:
The Great Lakes Avengers!
Never heard of 'em? You're not alone, I'm sure. Read up on the Great Lakes Avengers HERE. Or maybe HERE. Or HERE, instead. HERE, THERE, EVERYWHERE.
Anyway, maybe a slightly masturbatory exercise right now, but fuck you, I need something that'll cheer me up.
Here is 2016-17 Virginia Basketball, Great Lakes Avengers style!
London Perrantes = Squirrel Girl
Squirrel Girl is the GLA's star in so much as the GLA has a star. She's not an alpha... or even a beta... but she's a fan favorite and she's kinda crafty, and maybe sorta kinda heroic. Kinda. Sometimes. Not really. But a fan favorite, for sure.
Devon Hall = Mr. Immortal
No superpowers other than... he... just... won't... die... So, he's on the team for what feels like forever, but doesn't do a whole lot to help them win any fights. To his credit, he keeps getting back up to absorb more punishment, and there's something to be said for that, I guess.
Jack Salt = Big Bertha
She's big, strong, and clumsy. Easy enough.
Isaiah Wilkins = Flatman
Two-dimensional (instead of three-dimensional!), but fantastically stretchy. He's the quintessential "glue guy." *Snikt!*
Darius Thompson = Doorman
He teleports things... to the next room. So, like, OH MY GOD, THAT'S FUCKING AWESOME, HE CAN TELEPORT!!! But then you discover that it's only from the kitchen to the living room, and you're pretty fucking disappointed.
Mamadi Diakite = Dinah Soar
She flies. Superhuman strength and toughness, that kind of shit. By far the most dynamic and impressive member of the GLA. But, look, she's a weird pink alien dinosaur who is just mostly unconventional and unpredictable.
Kyle Guy = Deadpool
He's technically a member of the team, but only sporadically and mostly in comic misadventures. If he was a regular, recurring member of the GLA, he'd no doubt be its wisecracking, quick-witted star, but alas... The GLA insists on trying to build its squad around the clunky talents of misfits like Mr. Immortal and Flatman. *sigh*
Jarred Reuter = Leather Boy
Leather Boy was a founding member of the team, but got left out of their adventures once they discovered that he did not in fact possess any super powers. Feeling ostracized, he quit the GLA and joined some other team, and became one of the GLA's primary villains.
Marial Shayok = Grasshopper
He jumps around, is gangly, kinda herky-jerky, and has some amount of compelling unconventional talent, but he can't stop getting his ass kicked and coming out on the losing end.
Ty Jerome = Good Boy
A frail teenage girl who can occasionally - very occasionally - turn into a fucking giant killer werewolf. Yeah!
And there you have it.
Sometimes, you just have to laugh, right?
Here's hoping London gets some rest and gets his legs back under him, and the team pulls it together enough to win a couple down the stretch and secure a halfway-favorable NCAA Tournament seed.