Follow up idea: All-Kendall Hate teams from the other ACC schools. (Please say there is a spot for Kris Lang on UNC's.)
Nathan, your wish is my command. (But sorry, Kris Lang - though hated! - didn't make the cut.)
They say hatred is baggage... and I'll packed for a lengthy vacation! With no further ado, here are the All-Kendall HATE Teams for the entire ACC...
Boston College
They say hatred is baggage... and I'll packed for a lengthy vacation! With no further ado, here are the All-Kendall HATE Teams for the entire ACC...
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| Bill Curley: Colossal Flopping Shitbag |
PG) Tyrese Rice -- I only hated him because we could never stop him, and because he was at BC for... forever.
SG) Troy Bell -- Maybe I'm wrong, but he just seemed like a punk. Nope, not wrong.
SF) Jared Dudley -- I always hated that smug look he had on his face.
SF) Jared Dudley -- I always hated that smug look he had on his face.
PF) Craig Smith -- His nickname was "Rhino" for Christ's sake. Another one of those standard-issue beefy below-the-rim big men that I only like if they're in orange and blue.
C) Bill Curley -- He was the first [non-Dook] big man I had ever seen flopping all over the floor and laying there like he was hurt in order to draw foul calls and catch a breather, soccer style. He always left a bunch of sweat puddled up, and the poor kids with the mops would have to work their asses off to keep the floor dry. Curley was a good player, he just seemed like a colossal flopping shitbag.
Clemson
PG) Edward Scott -- He played on some really bad Clemson teams in the early 2000s, but was one of those pest-like point guards that I typically hate. Wojo-esque, if you will. AND YOU WILL!
SG) Greg Buckner -- The thuggish Rick Barnes Clemson teams that got ranked way up in the top-10 during the late '90s annoyed the crap out of me, and Buckner was their star player.
SF) K.C. Rivers -- Hit a lot of big shots against UVA.
PF) Trevor Booker -- Was always more than we could handle in the low post. Great player, and him being listed here is born more of jealousy than real hatred.
C) Sharone Wright -- He was your standard-issue Bluto-style idiot center. Dumb as a damn rock. Fouled the crap out of people on the reg, and hurt Harold Deane. His cup of coffee in the NBA was more irritating than anything else.
Duke
PG) Steve Wojciechowski -- Quite possibly my most hated basketball player of all time. Quite possibly.
SG) J.J. Redick -- One word: bacne.
SF) Shane Battier -- Ugh. The gold standard for all that's hateable in Duke players. The try-hard reputation. The flops. The over-emoting. The alien lifeform growing on his scalp.
PF) Christian Laettner -- Obvious, right? Too obvious?
C) Cherokee Parks -- Ha ha ha, oh man. How could he not be on this list?
Florida State
PG) Charlie Ward -- But more because of football than basketball.
SG) Sam Cassell -- Just because of his face.
SF) Bob Sura -- Just because of his face.
PF) Al Thornton -- He was good. Good Lord, he was good. Just like with Trevor Booker, this one is more jealousy than hatred. I really, really, really loved his game... and I hated him for it.
C) Bernard James -- Because of the kick. Also - and I don't want to sound cynical, but - I really have to wonder if he would have sent that letter of apology if FSU had lost that game to us. I kinda have my doubts, and I don't mind verbalizing those doubts. Also, I honestly don't give a shit that he was in the Chair Force.
Georgia Tech
PG) Stephon Marbury -- He only played one year at GT. One year was enough.
SG) Drew Berry -- I was a fan of Jon Berry, but Drew just seemed like the whiny little brother.
SF) Matt Harpring -- Great student, great player, hard worker, good in the community, local product... he really was the perfect college basketball player... and I hated him for it.
PF) Derrick Favors -- So much hype. Just a big giant bumbling clumsy forceful mountain of hype. Favors didn't live up to any of it, and he made the ACC look bad in the process.
C) Luke Schenscher -- He was like a deranged Australian Ronald McDonald doped up on a cocktail of steroids and bovine growth hormone.
Maryland
PG) Greivis Vasquez -- Can you envision him playing anywhere other than Maryland? You might be surprised that Steve Blake isn't the pick here, but I honestly hated Vasquez more.
SG) Steve Francis -- The living embodiment of all that is wrong with modern-era basketball.
SF) D.J. Strawberry -- Sorry media, but no matter how high D.J. climbed up the ladder of mediocrity, he could not atone for the sins of his father.
PF) Nik Caner-Medley -- Ha ha ha. Trying to explain this one is like trying to explain what makes a douche a douche. It just... is.
C) Joe Smith -- When I first became a real die-hard UVA basketball fan, Joe Smith was dominating the ACC. "GO PRO, JOE" signs were everywhere in U-Hall when we played Maryland that year. Screw this guy.
Miami
Sorry, but I don't really hate any Miami players. This basketball team sticks out like a sore thumb in the ACC, and Miami Basketball is so irrelevant and inconsequential that I haven't really had a chance to develop any deep-seated hatred here. So screw the U as a program, no need for specifics.
NC State
PG) Archie Miller -- I have grown to loathe the Miller family, though I do nod to the coaching prowess of Sean Miller at Xavier and now Arizona. Archie was just a pesky little rodent of a player. And the only person allowed to be named Archie is Archie Bunker.
SG) Scott Wood -- The worst-shooting "best shooter ever" I've ever seen. Way too much hype over his middling, inconsistent stroke from outside. Plus, he looks like a doofus.
SF) Julius Hodge -- He played at State for about eight years, seemed like.
PF) Ilian Evtimov -- Not the kid from the raft from Cuba but the guy who popped so many Hoo-crushing treys.
C) Todd Fuller -- He was pretty good, but all State had during their terrible run in the early '90s. NCSU beat UVA a couple of times during that stretch, and Fuller was the architect.
North Carolina
PG) Kendall Marshall -- The guy can't shoot. Not sure how he garners so many accolades when he plays such shoddy defense and just simply cannot shoot. It's all UNC hype, that's all it is. I eagerly await his colossal NBA flop, just like Joe Forte before him.
SG) Dante Calabria -- Sorry, but I'm hard-wired to despise heart-throbs.
SF) Rashad McCants -- Just way too cocky.
PF) Ademola Okulaja -- Hit a last-second three from the corner to beat us during one of Pete Gillen's first seasons. I never forgot that moment. That said, Okulaja gets Wahooze brownie points for breaking a Duke student's jaw exiting the court at Cameron.
C) Tyler Hansbrough -- Psycho T. C'mon, you guys remember this douche. Please don't make me explain my hatred, because I'd rather not think about him any longer than I have to.
Virginia Tech
PG) Malcolm Delaney -- Flopped so much, it looked like he thought he was playing for Duke. I'm sure it confused all of theDuke Hokie fans that watched him play in Cassell Crapiseum.
SG) A.D. Vassallo -- I don't hate him for stealing a 12-pack of Dr. Pepper, but I can't resist the temptation to bring it up in this space.
SF) Deron Washington -- Part man, part grasshopper. All punk.
PF) Ace Custis -- Before him, you could never get a singleDuke UNC Hokie fan to even admit that they had a basketball program. Ace put them on the map for a hot second. Besides, what kind of assbag has the first name "Ace?"
C) Jeff Allen -- I will give him this: At least he eventually stopped even trying to overcome his reputation as a total scumbag and just embraced it.
Wake Forest
PG) Chris Paul -- Sean Singletary plays second fiddle to no man!
SG) Jeff Teague -- Talking heads everywhere wanted to heap praise upon this kid, and I just never really saw it. His overhypedness let to his demise.
SF) Josh Howard -- See also: Al Thornton, Florida State.
PF) Darius Songaila -- I've already overused the term "douche" in this piece, but this guy was the KING DOUCHE.
C) Tim Duncan -- I hated him in the same way and for the same reasons that people hate Peyton Manning.
That felt good.
C) Bill Curley -- He was the first [non-Dook] big man I had ever seen flopping all over the floor and laying there like he was hurt in order to draw foul calls and catch a breather, soccer style. He always left a bunch of sweat puddled up, and the poor kids with the mops would have to work their asses off to keep the floor dry. Curley was a good player, he just seemed like a colossal flopping shitbag.
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| Mouthbreather. |
PG) Edward Scott -- He played on some really bad Clemson teams in the early 2000s, but was one of those pest-like point guards that I typically hate. Wojo-esque, if you will. AND YOU WILL!
SG) Greg Buckner -- The thuggish Rick Barnes Clemson teams that got ranked way up in the top-10 during the late '90s annoyed the crap out of me, and Buckner was their star player.
SF) K.C. Rivers -- Hit a lot of big shots against UVA.
PF) Trevor Booker -- Was always more than we could handle in the low post. Great player, and him being listed here is born more of jealousy than real hatred.
C) Sharone Wright -- He was your standard-issue Bluto-style idiot center. Dumb as a damn rock. Fouled the crap out of people on the reg, and hurt Harold Deane. His cup of coffee in the NBA was more irritating than anything else.
 |
| (Pic from "The Rafters") He tried to look HARD in the NBA. Failed. |
PG) Steve Wojciechowski -- Quite possibly my most hated basketball player of all time. Quite possibly.
SG) J.J. Redick -- One word: bacne.
SF) Shane Battier -- Ugh. The gold standard for all that's hateable in Duke players. The try-hard reputation. The flops. The over-emoting. The alien lifeform growing on his scalp.
PF) Christian Laettner -- Obvious, right? Too obvious?
C) Cherokee Parks -- Ha ha ha, oh man. How could he not be on this list?
Florida State
PG) Charlie Ward -- But more because of football than basketball.
SG) Sam Cassell -- Just because of his face.
SF) Bob Sura -- Just because of his face.
PF) Al Thornton -- He was good. Good Lord, he was good. Just like with Trevor Booker, this one is more jealousy than hatred. I really, really, really loved his game... and I hated him for it.
C) Bernard James -- Because of the kick. Also - and I don't want to sound cynical, but - I really have to wonder if he would have sent that letter of apology if FSU had lost that game to us. I kinda have my doubts, and I don't mind verbalizing those doubts. Also, I honestly don't give a shit that he was in the Chair Force.
 |
| (Pic from "Yard Barker") Take a tumble, Carrot Top. |
PG) Stephon Marbury -- He only played one year at GT. One year was enough.
SG) Drew Berry -- I was a fan of Jon Berry, but Drew just seemed like the whiny little brother.
SF) Matt Harpring -- Great student, great player, hard worker, good in the community, local product... he really was the perfect college basketball player... and I hated him for it.
PF) Derrick Favors -- So much hype. Just a big giant bumbling clumsy forceful mountain of hype. Favors didn't live up to any of it, and he made the ACC look bad in the process.
C) Luke Schenscher -- He was like a deranged Australian Ronald McDonald doped up on a cocktail of steroids and bovine growth hormone.
Maryland
PG) Greivis Vasquez -- Can you envision him playing anywhere other than Maryland? You might be surprised that Steve Blake isn't the pick here, but I honestly hated Vasquez more.
SG) Steve Francis -- The living embodiment of all that is wrong with modern-era basketball.
SF) D.J. Strawberry -- Sorry media, but no matter how high D.J. climbed up the ladder of mediocrity, he could not atone for the sins of his father.
PF) Nik Caner-Medley -- Ha ha ha. Trying to explain this one is like trying to explain what makes a douche a douche. It just... is.
C) Joe Smith -- When I first became a real die-hard UVA basketball fan, Joe Smith was dominating the ACC. "GO PRO, JOE" signs were everywhere in U-Hall when we played Maryland that year. Screw this guy.
Miami
Sorry, but I don't really hate any Miami players. This basketball team sticks out like a sore thumb in the ACC, and Miami Basketball is so irrelevant and inconsequential that I haven't really had a chance to develop any deep-seated hatred here. So screw the U as a program, no need for specifics.
 |
| I also hate the little wolfhand thing. Lame Texas rip-off. |
PG) Archie Miller -- I have grown to loathe the Miller family, though I do nod to the coaching prowess of Sean Miller at Xavier and now Arizona. Archie was just a pesky little rodent of a player. And the only person allowed to be named Archie is Archie Bunker.
SG) Scott Wood -- The worst-shooting "best shooter ever" I've ever seen. Way too much hype over his middling, inconsistent stroke from outside. Plus, he looks like a doofus.
SF) Julius Hodge -- He played at State for about eight years, seemed like.
PF) Ilian Evtimov -- Not the kid from the raft from Cuba but the guy who popped so many Hoo-crushing treys.
C) Todd Fuller -- He was pretty good, but all State had during their terrible run in the early '90s. NCSU beat UVA a couple of times during that stretch, and Fuller was the architect.
 |
| So dreamy... |
PG) Kendall Marshall -- The guy can't shoot. Not sure how he garners so many accolades when he plays such shoddy defense and just simply cannot shoot. It's all UNC hype, that's all it is. I eagerly await his colossal NBA flop, just like Joe Forte before him.
SG) Dante Calabria -- Sorry, but I'm hard-wired to despise heart-throbs.
SF) Rashad McCants -- Just way too cocky.
PF) Ademola Okulaja -- Hit a last-second three from the corner to beat us during one of Pete Gillen's first seasons. I never forgot that moment. That said, Okulaja gets Wahooze brownie points for breaking a Duke student's jaw exiting the court at Cameron.
C) Tyler Hansbrough -- Psycho T. C'mon, you guys remember this douche. Please don't make me explain my hatred, because I'd rather not think about him any longer than I have to.
 |
| (Streeter Lecka, Getty Images) I do like seeing him feed nuts to Greg Paulus, though. |
PG) Malcolm Delaney -- Flopped so much, it looked like he thought he was playing for Duke. I'm sure it confused all of the
SG) A.D. Vassallo -- I don't hate him for stealing a 12-pack of Dr. Pepper, but I can't resist the temptation to bring it up in this space.
SF) Deron Washington -- Part man, part grasshopper. All punk.
PF) Ace Custis -- Before him, you could never get a single
C) Jeff Allen -- I will give him this: At least he eventually stopped even trying to overcome his reputation as a total scumbag and just embraced it.
 |
| Meh, he's no Sean. |
PG) Chris Paul -- Sean Singletary plays second fiddle to no man!
SG) Jeff Teague -- Talking heads everywhere wanted to heap praise upon this kid, and I just never really saw it. His overhypedness let to his demise.
SF) Josh Howard -- See also: Al Thornton, Florida State.
PF) Darius Songaila -- I've already overused the term "douche" in this piece, but this guy was the KING DOUCHE.
C) Tim Duncan -- I hated him in the same way and for the same reasons that people hate Peyton Manning.
That felt good.
This is wonderful. Calabria is so on the money. I can't remember how many non-sports fan girls I heard gushing over him in my high school hallways in Virgina Beach (of all places). My fandom doesn't have the depth or breadth of yours, so I would've had Jason Collier and Alvin Jones rolling from GT. The core of my hate comes from Gillen's first season, now that I think of it.
ReplyDeleteNo Ronald Curry? I loved how the moment he touched the ball every single person in U-Hall would erupt in boos. "Ohhhhhhhh BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
ReplyDeleteGood point about Ronald Curry. I hated that bastard. We all did. Problem is, it was a football thing, not basketball. Though I did set a precedent with Charlie Ward, I guess. I would officially change Kendall Marshall to Ronald Curry on this list if I had it to do over again.
ReplyDeleteKendall, I think you did an outstanding job here and put in some real hard work and agree with all of your picks. Although I would like to add a few players as well. Not by team just players I would like to punch in the neck if the opportunity presented itself.
ReplyDelete#5 Rasheed Wallace- Albino Pigment in his hair and an asshole.
#4 Every Player that played at UNC and in the future.( Rasheed Wallace had to be seperate.)
#3 Eric Meek-He is the blueprint duke big man. Just a fucking Mongoloid.
#2 Randolf Childress-WF Just like Duncan, did not miss a shot when UVA needed him too.
#1 Coach "K"- Oops. I forgot that this was just players. Oh well.